If architects had to work like programmers . .
Dear
Mr. Architect,
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so
you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the
plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring
the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also,
bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily
pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one
I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies
that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk
across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs
as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features
like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum,
be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are
used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most
up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed
to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make
that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law
will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since
she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of thses options
carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule
any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop
the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example,
it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep
in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the
house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications.
Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof
within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner
or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal
to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize
the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they
like the features this house has.
I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last
year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like
in our new home, particularily the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering,
I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the
final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time
to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids.
Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of
construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To
be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom
in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon
as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions
I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve
these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish
this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another
architect.
PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please
advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.